Career Development

I had a career development meeting today and I didn't take it seriously. I was making fart jokes and laughing to myself for 3 hours. I told my friend I had a boner and the farts at the same time. Whenever I tried to hold in a fart my boner flipped up which equals non stop embarrassment. I realize these 3 or so months I have been out of work I have been doing nothing but stand up comedy and traditional art. I am becoming a kid again. During my senior year of college I completely lost my heart and passion and started preparing myself to make money. Now i just want to be dirty again. I'm playing in the mud.

I don't really have a career right now. Imagine having a career coach for comedy he would be the laziest guy ever. Like ok what you have to do is do shows like this for years without getting paid. Where do I find them? Just go online, Badslava.com. I'm going home I'll call you up in 10 years.

The Jets Will Beat the Colts

I have always hated the Jets because the team always blows it. They still have the cockiest fans. Jets fans will always make fun of my team. Hey Harry the Giants really suck. You are a Jets fan. That's usually all I have to say. If they beat the Colts in the AFC Championship game I don't have a good argument anymore. It would be cool to see another New York team win the super bowl but my ego would rather have the Jets lose tomorrow. This tiny blog entry is to jinx the Jets. Nothing against the actual Jets and everything against the actual fans. Go Colts.

Internet House Line

I'm so glad we are back to old school communication again. No I don't have the internet on my phone and never will so you can't reach me from your computer when I'm out. I know you won't try to call me because verbal communication is only a thing people on TV do now. You will have to wait until I get back home to my internet house line. Thanks. - Harry's home internet answering machine.

I have a refrigerator.

I'm at a point in my life where I can sit on the phone with my mom and have some good old- fashioned refrigerator talk. She owns one and now I have one too so we have a lot to talk about. She was like Harry our refrigerator broke. I was like mom me too. We have so much more in common now! You are in luck too. While I was sitting in the bathroom the only thing to read was the instruction manual to my refrigerator. So what is the problem? Was it the middle hinge or the top hinge? No it's not a hinge problem. Oh well that's all I read. Well I read the diagram and the first line that says, You can be seriously killed or injured if you do not follow the instructions immediately. I mean seriously injured or killed. Any type of killing is serious. You can't really be seriously killed. Well you can say I seriously killed someone, seriously but a murder is usually always very serious. I guess you can also kill someone with a serious face. You both can actually have serious faces. Harry you don't know anything about refrigerators do you? Nope, but I do know that we both have one. I'll tell you that much.

Follow Your Heart: From Whole Foods to Trader Joe's

This is my first blog entry ever. I never seem to start anything on time or finish anything so this will just be another experiment in trying to get a finished product of the nothing is ever finished piece of art I call my brain. An open blog mic where I can rant and go on tangents and prove that I am nothing like a real writer. I'll call myself a righter. I try to do right all the time much like a skilled writer writes. I am cursed, trying to write something right instead of just writing. This will help me just write wrong and deal with it. This will help me feel right. Right.

 I think these Whole Foods light green rubber bands around my wrist were starting to cut off circulation to my brain. I used to go to Whole Foods a couple times a week during my lunch break. I would get sushi and put the sushi rubber bands around my wrist like notches on a belt. Look at all these salmon avocado rolls I smashed. I ate at the same 4 places for lunch everyday like most people with jobs or without jobs. Just zoning. Now I am home for the holidays eating birthday cake and stuffing everyday. Straight up holiday zoning. I am jobless for the first time since I was old enough to have one. I feel a sense of freedom that only comes when you almost lose everything. It feels great. When things start disappearing the truth becomes clearer than I could ever imagine. The next step is to fight off my mom's dream of me moving back home. I can't deal with hairy man in mom's basement syndrome right now.

I hear a lot of old people say, "time flies when you are having fun." These are usually the people that are having the least amount of fun ever. That statement always seems to be used in a sarcastic tone like when your older sibling makes a comment, oh nice Harry gets the better video game system for Christmas. We never had anything like that. I would be having fun, if I didn't have to make as much money as possible. It usually sounds bitter like oh it was so much better back in the day when Delancey street was still Delancey street. I can almost hear them biting their tongue, trying to convince themselves they are having fun which leads to a new definition of fun. Time flies when you are wasting time coming up with statements to rate how much fun you are having. I think the people having fun are too busy having fun to think about wasting time with time wasting statements. I am not even having fun writing about having fun right now. This job is fun right? Yes I guess it's good money at least. Oh you mean it's not fun at all but you suck it up and take the money - Donna from Dr. Berman's dentist office. I hear this a lot from people in dentist offices for some reason. Maybe it's because I get cavities every month. Ever since my wisdom teeth came in and spoiled the party. They sound more like asshole teeth to me. I think old people just say everything was better because they can only remember the good old days before they had a job they hated. Sure I would have loved to live in the 70's, but at the same time cell phones are a choice. Nobody is forcing you to social network or blog. Weed is still out there and so is sex. I even sound bitter right now describing the bitterness I hear. The truth is the 70's were probably much better, but there is nothing anyone can do about that other than sounding like a grandma every time they open their mouth. 

Speaking of grandma, right now is a great time for me. Both me and my grandma are collecting unemployment. How often can you say, welp no work today I might just go have some vodka with granny and watch the sunset. I won't do that but it would probably make her so happy. She loves vodka and sun. 

Time does fly when you are having fun, but it also flies when you zone out. I like, "time flies when you are on cocaine and vodka." Yea man time is going so fast right now, because I sold my watch for more cocaine and vodka. I have no idea what time it is ever. That sounds pretty stupid, but so does working for something you don't believe in just because it seems like the right thing to do. I was always taught to do what I love and follow my heart and I love my mom for that. Sometimes I feel like that statement is said more than it is actually thought about. It's always the love statements that are the most important but the most overlooked. Follow your heart as long as your heart hungers for money sounds more realistic. Follow your heart as long as you make sure to get her drunk and teach her to love that God money. My heart is sober and hates money. I'm going to need cheaper food now, like Trader Joe's.